Divorce can be a complex and emotional experience that can have a lasting impact on an individual's mental and emotional well-being. As a divorce mediator, I have seen firsthand the difference a positive mindset can make in the divorce process.
However, most people begin and end their divorce with a negative mindset, thinking that this is the best way to protect themselves.
But there is a better way that can lead to a more efficient and cost-effective resolution, as well as a smoother transition to a new life post-divorce.
So how do you move away from the negative? I interviewed Belief Coach Janine Durso, who shares her expertise on how to cultivate a more positive mindset.
Q: Hi Janine, Can you tell us about the benefits of overcoming a negative mindset during and after a divorce?
JANINE: Absolutely. Going through a divorce can bring up strong emotions such as anger, frustration, and hopelessness. When these negative emotions take over, you start to feel like you have no control or other options. But the one thing you can control is your mindset. Your mindset directly impacts the outcome you want to have in anything in life. The way to overcome a negative mindset is not just to “think positively” but to dig deeper to reveal the limiting beliefs that are keeping you stuck. Overcoming limiting beliefs during or after a divorce can put you back in control of your life. By doing this work, it can help you see your situation in a new light that will show you possibilities you cannot see at the moment. It requires patience, commitment, and a willingness to challenge yourself. But the rewards are well worth the effort, and you can emerge from your divorce with a stronger, more resilient, and more empowered sense of self.
Q: For those who struggle with overcoming limiting beliefs, what advice would you give?
JANINE: The first step is always awareness. We all have conscious and unconscious limiting beliefs that can keep us in the negative mode. Identifying and challenging the thoughts and beliefs you have about yourself and your life is so important. It is only by becoming aware of them that you can change them.
One way you can become aware of your limiting beliefs is to write down all your negative thoughts. That allows you to become the “watcher” of your thoughts and helps you gain clarity of the thoughts that are happening on autopilot. It’s important to take a snapshot of what’s going on in your brain this way. We often let our thoughts control us vs. learning how to control our thoughts so we can create a new result in our life.
Once you’ve identified your thoughts, take some time to question them. Are they based on facts or assumptions? Are they going to help or hinder you during this process? What is an alternate thought you could be thinking to get a better result?
This might feel like a challenge because you think you’re protecting yourself by staying in “fight mode.” But fight mode keeps you focused on the outside forces that you can’t control. The goal here is to shift the focus to you and what you truly want.
Q: How can a belief coach help individuals both during and after a divorce?
JANINE: The divorce process is a time of great change, confusion, and disconnection. Not only in the obvious ways that the marriage is disconnecting, but people often feel very disconnected from themselves. They might feel like they lost themselves along the way, within the marriage and now as they start a life outside of it.
Working on your beliefs puts you back in touch with YOU. It helps move you from being in reaction mode to really creating the life you want.
When I work with clients, we focus on the question, “Who am I, and what do I want?” This is such a powerful question that many people don’t know how to answer.
By putting the focus inward, we dismantle the negative stories and limiting beliefs that have been carried around for so long, and we build confidence by focusing on the power that is already inside you.
One of the most powerful tools is learning how to work through any negative emotions that may arise during the divorce process, such as anger or frustration, so you can manage these emotions in a healthy way and keep moving forward.
Q: Thanks, Janine, that was very helpful. For anyone who reads this and wants to learn more about working with you, where can they find you?
JANINE: My pleasure, I’m happy to help. People can find me on LinkedIn Instagram and Facebook or feel free to schedule a free 30-minute call to see how busting your limiting beliefs can help during/after divorce.
As you can see from this conversation with Janine, tackling your limiting beliefs and cultivating a positive mindset can really make a huge difference in your divorce process:
More Efficient Process to Reduce Legal Costs: This approach tend to make decisions quickly and avoid costly, prolonged divorce processes, leading to a faster resolution. As positive mindset can help you communicate more effectively with your ex-spouse and the mediators.
Improved Mental and Physical Health: By focusing on what you can control, you can reduce stress and anxiety and put that energy into creating your new life and protecting your overall well-being.
Increased Confidence and Empowerment: When you are confident and empowered, you don’t engage with the swirl of the battle that often happens within the divorce process.
In conclusion, overcoming limiting beliefs can have a profound impact on divorce and your new life. A lawyer like me can take care of your legal battles, but you need to take care of your inner battles. I believe working with a belief coach can give you the tools you need to reconnect with yourself and your real wants and needs and begin seeing new possibilities for your life. This is where your power is.
At Van Tassel Law, I believe in a kinder approach to life's legal issues. My goal is to get you to a better place.
If you live in NJ feel and would like more information regarding Mediation, stop by Van Tassel Law to learn more, or if you need assistance with a divorce plan, feel free to call me at (201) 664-8566 and schedule your initial confidential consultation.