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  • Laura L. Van Tassel, Esq.

Rethinking 'Staying for the Kids'

Many people over the years have told me that they were deeply unhappy in their marriages, but "it's not bad enough to actually leave." It's a sentiment I've heard far too often, and it reflects the complex emotions and dilemmas faced by individuals in troubled marriages. Especially when children are involved, the stakes feel higher, and the prevailing opinion seems to be that staying together for the sake of the kids is the best course of action.

I understand the reasons behind this line of thinking. There are often valid concerns that make the decision to stay seem more reasonable than leaving. It may be due to financial constraints, the belief that children need both parents under the same roof regardless of the relationship dynamic, or simply fear of the unknown.

These factors can weigh heavily on your heart and mind, clouding your judgment and making you hesitant to take steps toward separation or divorce.

However, when you find yourself staying in a marriage solely for the sake of the children, it's crucial to pause and reflect.

Ask yourself the following questions:

What are your children being exposed to daily in this environment?

Children are perceptive and sensitive to the emotional atmosphere around them. Even if there's no physical violence, they can sense tension, resentment, and unhappiness. Constant arguments or a lack of love and affection can impact their emotional well-being and overall development.

Based on what your children are witnessing, is this the kind of relationship you want them to emulate in their own lives?

Children learn about relationships by observing their parents.

“95% of our life is from programming off the first 7 years of our life ~ Dr. Bruce Lipton”

While I understand the complexities and challenges of contemplating divorce, it’s essential to consider the long-term impact on yourself and your children.

So as you examine and unpack the environment that you were in, chances are how you function is heavily influenced by what you were exposed to.

This whole mentality that “kids are resilient,” as if what they see and hear doesn’t impact them and that they can just “bounce back” as if nothing happened, is false. It affects:

🟣 How they communicate.

🟣 How they value and respect themselves.

🟣 How they show up in their relationships.

🟣 How they view men and women.

Staying in an unhealthy relationship may inadvertently perpetuate a cycle of unhappiness and dysfunctional dynamics in their own future relationships.

If you find yourself at a crossroads, unsure of what steps to take, seeking guidance from a divorce lawyer who understands the unique complexities of family law can be immensely helpful. A compassionate and knowledgeable attorney can provide you with the support, legal expertise, and resources necessary to navigate this challenging process while keeping your children's best interests at heart.

Remember, divorce doesn't have to be a bitter battle. With the right approach, it can be a transformative opportunity for growth and healing, allowing both you and your children to thrive in the future.

At Van Tassel Law— A kinder approach to life's legal issues involves prioritizing emotional well-being, open communication, and fostering an environment of love and respect. In some cases, ending a troubled marriage can lead to a healthier, happier life for all parties involved, including the children.

If you live in Northern NJ, I can help you examine your situation and consider your next steps; stop by Van Tassel Law, or feel free to call me at (201) 664-8566 and schedule your initial confidential consultation.


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